We're having a girl!!!

[Old Fart]

My daughter is 21

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact,
come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilising a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[BlueFJ]

Holy crap, I'm glad I'm way too old to date any of you guy's daughters!
All kidding aside, a big congrats to you and Autumn, John!

[socal_rubi]

I'll be the dad who's like- "Now boy, I have a gun, shovel and a 4x4. So no one will ever find you."

My favorite line..."I'm not afraid to go back to prison"

[cruiserlarry]

My daughter is 21

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Jeff, I'm still laughing....just thinkin' about what my boys must've gone through to survive dating in their teens...

[BorregoWrangler]

Great stuff so far guys! Love it!

And thanks!

[unwiredadventures]

we found out that we're having a girl.

Part of me is kind of happy because I'm afraid that when we have a boy, he'll be just as dirty minded as his father! Of course with a girl I'm already dreading the days as she gets older. I'll be the dad who's like- "Now boy, I have a gun, shovel and a 4x4. So no one will ever find you."

Congratulations!

I have two girls and they love shooting, wrenching and camping with dad.

[ssc]

Congrats John,
They are so much fun when young. Then stand by. It is like ,"What happen to my little girl?" Don't worry, that which does not kill you will make you stronger---and older and give you gray hair and cause your hair to fall out and--you get the picture.

After the insanity, as you share a private moment with your "little girl" before walking her down the aisle, it will warm your heart and make it all worth it.

Regards, Steve

PS, they give you grandchildren--who you get to spoil and fill with sugar and then send home. Payback

[BorregoWrangler]

Congrats John,
They are so much fun when young. Then stand by. It is like ,"What happen to my little girl?" Don't worry, that which does not kill you will make you stronger---and older and give you gray hair and cause your hair to fall out and--you get the picture.

After the insanity, as you share a private moment with your "little girl" before walking her down the aisle, it will warm your heart and make it all worth it.

Regards, Steve

PS, they give you grandchildren--who you get to spoil and fill with sugar and then send home. Payback

Thanks, Steve. I'm really looking forward to the future. My in-laws and parents are also eagerly awaiting to spoil her.

As for the dating issue, in all seriousness its not something I'm too terribly worried about. I was raised to view dating as having a noble purpose—to help a young man and woman determine if they would be suitable marriage partners for each other. There was no recreational or casual dating in my family, pairing off merely for fun or for the sake of having a boyfriend or a girlfriend.

I thank my parents for bringing me up this way, especially when I see friends or other family members with different views going from one partner to the next and experiencing STD's, unwanted pregnancy, and heartbreak. Growing up, my parents were also always open to having frank discussions about whatever issues or concerns my siblings or I had. I'm looking forward to parenthood!

[OLLIE]

My daughter is 21

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Jeff,

My daughter is 18 mos old. If you don't mind me following your lead, I'm going to copy this and post it on our fridge so that it is absolutely engrained in her mind as well as any visitors mind for the next 17 years (or until she leaves my house).

[BorregoWrangler]

I'm now officially a father!!!

Audrey Ellen Graham was born 3-8-11 at 4:26pm.
She was 8lbs3.6oz & 21 1/4"