life is funny sometimes

[smslavin]

The last few years have been quite a roller coaster for Bec, the girls and myself. I had to close my photography studio and go back to writing software, we sold our house, moved to a smaller house, took a significant pay cut, sold the smaller house, moved into an apartment, changed jobs, lost job about a month ago. I've been contracting here and there so it's keeping us afloat but Rebecca and I have been taking a long hard look at our life and where we want to be as the girls grow older. I have a verbal offer from an old friend at a previous employer that will hopefully turn into written this week. I'll be traveling again but as a bonus, I won't be tied to a physical office but I do need to be in striking distance to an airport. I'll be that guy on the other end of a WebEx that you only know by voice.

As Bec and I have taken stock of our life, we've begun to realize that we've done nothing but live in survival mode for the past 8 years. I've been fortunate enough to make pretty decent money but we have nothing to show for it. We were house poor and everything I made went to our mortgage, property tax and insurance. We've been unable to get a foothold and make plans for the future. We've been slightly selfish and thinking only about where our needs would best be met, not the needs of the girls.

So, we took a deep breath, looked at each other and said, "Now what?"

SoCal, while incredibly beautiful and diverse, is incredibly expensive. Is staying here and just barely squeaking by the best option? We might eventually be able to buy another house here but it's a long time down the road. Living in a small apartment with a family of 5 is doable but stressful. The girls need space, their own space. Room to grow. Room to play. Room to breathe.

When we sold our house here in Solana Beach a couple of years ago, we considered moving out of state. The company I was working for said I was free to move but they couldn't guarantee my future employment. So we bought the smaller house and moved to Dana Point. The idea was put on the back burner where it simmered until a couple of weeks ago.

Where could we go that would fit our lifestyles and provide the girls with the room they need? Where could we go where Bec would once again feel safe and comfortable?

East coast was out. I absolutely love being near the water but I don't have the personality to survive in the north east corner of the States. South east was out as well. While the surfing is reasonable in the Carolinas, there's also the hurricane potential. Bec would like to avoid as many natural disasters as possible. We had done Seattle when I worked for Microsoft. Neither of us want to be cold, gray, damp and miserable again. While I was born in Chicago and went to college in Indiana, the Mid-West is also out. I've done my time with soy beans and corn. What's left? The Dakotas? Montana? Wyoming? Idaho? While I would be more than comfortable living in the middle of nowhere, Bec would not be. Arizona? Maybe but once the thermometer hits about 88, Bec and the girls turn into angry raving lunatics. No thanks. New Mexico? Another maybe. I've spent time skiing Taos but that's all I know. Utah? My dad used to have a place in Park City but that's a small oasis in a crazed sea of religion that I'd rather not be near. Colorado? Hmm. That could work.

The last few weeks have seen us researching towns just west of Denver in the foothills. Bec is fortunate enough to have two close friends who moved there from here several years ago. Next week, Bec is flying up for a long weekend to visit and just check the area out. She's a born and raised SoCal girl and the only time she's spent living elsewhere was when I dragged her to Seattle. Seeing her in the mountains in the middle of winter will be a sight. I do have to admit that when I think about having a snowball fight with the girls, I start having a giggle fit. They've never seen snow. Never experienced the change of seasons or a white XMas.

I moved a lot when I was a kid, domestically and internationally. When Dillen was born, I promised myself that I wouldn't do that to my kids but what have I done? I've moved them as often as I was moved. It's unsettling not to mention tiring. All I want is to be stable and comfortable. Attaining that in SoCal isn't possible these days. Leaving will be difficult as the grandparents are all here. However, they're all incredibly well off and have the means to travel without worry. None of them are terribly excited about the idea but I think they are finally beginning to understand the financial stress we have been living under.

No dates have been set but when this happens, my guess is that it will be after the first of the year. Bec is going up next weekend to explore with her friends. After XMas, we're all going to make a road trip up there for 8 or 9 days. Planning on taking a couple of days to drive up so we can take in a few of the sights along the way. If you've got ideas, I'd love to hear them. Right now, all I have is the South Rim and possible 4 Corners if we can get there.

There was no manual handed out on how life was supposed to be operated. No manual for how to parent either. You can take each test as it comes to you and just hope you're making the right decision. Your kids come first and everything else just falls into place behind them. We'll make it an adventure for them and for us.

[BorregoWrangler]

I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I hope you guys find what you're looking for. SoCal sure is expensive. If we didn't have the support we have from our families we'd probably be considering moving.

I love Arizona but would have to find an area that doesn't get too hot in the summer. If we really had to move I think I would seriously consider Idaho. When I was much younger my family had entertained the idea of moving there so we took a week off to visit a few areas. I loved it.

So many people live beyond their means and don't realize how much easier and happier their lives would be if they simplified their life.

[Chazz Layne]

I'd have to second both Arizona and Colorado as having potential (guess which one I like better ). I'm Socal born and raised myself, and lived there until only a short time ago, so I know the feeling. When I give "freedom" as a reason for moving here, I mean financially as well - taxes (business) and the cost of living were big factors driving us out of the state.

Something to consider: as Arizona gets stereotypically hot in summer, so Colorado gets just as cold in winter. Of course, there are great places in both states that don't suffer from severe seasons. Prescott is a great example, and was high on our list when we started looking (actually, it still is). It would also be an easy place to check out on your trip through the South Rim and 4C. It is a beautiful town with mild summers and mild winters (it can snow, but it's not bitter cold like Flagstaff).

Airports are a challenge anywhere but Phoenix or Tuscon out here. Then again, if you're used to the typical dawn drives to the airport Socal often demands, a 2 hour drive through pine trees and saguaro cactus might not be a deterrent...

[smslavin]

The cost of running a business in this state is ridiculous. That was one of the major factors when I closed my studio. I believe it's only going to get worse, given the last election results, before it gets any better.

The cold is not as bothersome to Bec as the heat. Next weekend will be good for her as it'll be in the 40's during the day and teens at night. Looks like there's also the possibility of snow. Dillen has pretty much moved herself already. A few times a day she's asking us when we're moving. She's also excited because it means she will get her dog back.



Yes, the dawn drives to the airport are not a problem. Especially when Super Shuttle is an expense-able item...

[BorregoWrangler]

Prescott is a great example, and was high on our list when we started looking (actually, it still is).

I've heard good things about Prescott. My wife is actually familiar with it. One of these days we'd love to take a road trip into Arizona and see the sights. Of course with a baby on the way, that's gonna be later rather than sooner.

Then again, if you're used to the typical dawn drives to the airport Socal often demands, a 2 hour drive through pine trees and saguaro cactus might not be a deterrent...

Yep, our dawn drives to the airport often involve traffic and hoards of people.

As for living an an area that can be rather expensive at times, this quote comes to my mind. "Contentment makes poor men rich; discontentment makes rich men poor." -Benjamin Fanklin

Living in a world that fosters a desire for more possessions, bigger and better things, or greater achievements can make contentment-an inward feeling of satisfaction-seem elusive. There are a few things I do in my own life to combat this: Love people, not money. Resist the urge to compare myself with others. Maintain an appreciative attitude. Choose my friends wisely. And satisfy my spiritual need.

Keeping these things in mind and applying them in our lives has helped my family many times. Of course, your methods may vary.

[ssc]

Sean,
As I read your note, Prescott or Montrose came to mind. I am looking at property in Vegas, both rentals as well as large homes because I anticipate a move to Henderson. I have had it with SoCal for many reasons. I am also born and raised here. My wife and I do not do cold weather. It is fun to visit, but I can't live in it. Love Havasu, even at 120 and Vegas is closer to Havasu. The business atmosphere is terrible here and it is not retirement friendly. I think my daughter and grandson will be moving to Vegas and this is another reason. Son in law is a Metro Officer, but on active duty learning to fly apache helo's and will probably fly for Vegas when he returns.

Montrose CO has great fishing, hunting, boating, offroading, and is family friendly. The weather is not too bad and it is on the western slope. Almost moved there many years ago and have spent a good bit of time there.

Good luck and keep us informed.

Best, Steve

[cruiserlarry]

Sean -

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, and I hope you find a resolution that works out well for you and your family, no matter where you decide to set up "camp". I think you and your wife are to be commended for thinking of your daughters first; it is very difficult to downsize, and even more difficult to pull up roots and start anew in a new place.

A personal thought from someone who has a wife, raised a family, and run my own business in CA for 26 years:

Your wife, and your daughters, will be fine no matter what - because they have you. I have lived with the financial fears of my own business, and my wife, children, and family are well aware of what I go though to make it work for me and for them. Whether you choose to relocate to Arizona, Nevada, Colorado, or Timbuktu, you attitude, effort, and love will keep you and your family going...

Happy trails....

[BigDave]

Sean,

Your story is near identical to mine but with different names and slightly different work issues. My wife Shari and I have a 4yr old son, 2 year old daughter and a 2nd son due in Jan. We just got back Friday night from a reconnaissance trip to Colorado, mainly Colorado Springs. I have lived all over the US, my wife, only ever in The OC. In fact same house from birth til we got married. What an eye opener going to Colorado and visiting friends that are all So Cal transplants. We drove the south route, I-40 to I-25. Swung by the Grand Canyon. Shari and the kids had never seen it. Saw elk feeding just a few feet from the road. Missed 4 Corners, time constraints.

Family at Grand Canyon

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Elk at Grand Canyon

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Grand Canyon sign

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Colorado was amazing. We were able to see the fall leaves in all their splendid colors. We were there for the first snow of the season. Shari had been to snow before but had never seen snow fall from the sky. It was awesome watching her and the kids experience that.

Snow outside Vail

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We stayed with my mom's best friend. She and her family moved to Co about 12 years and are all well planted in the Colorado Springs area. In Denver we visited my wife's best friend from high school who just gave birth to a daughter 4 days before we visited them. Then another couple that we've known for years that finally pulled the plug on So Cal, and my friend from high school that moved there 20 years ago. The common thing among everyone we visited with is that all are very happy in CO and have no desire to return to CA for any reason.

It will be a bit down the road for us as Shari needs to deliver our son and I have some medical issues that need ironed out before we are able to make a final desicion. I do think that we will eventually end up in Colorado though. I think that there was enough of an impresssion on my wife and son that we will be there at some point in our life.

Good luck with your decision making processs

[smslavin]

Living in a world that fosters a desire for more possessions, bigger and better things, or greater achievements can make contentment-an inward feeling of satisfaction-seem elusive. There are a few things I do in my own life to combat this: Love people, not money. Resist the urge to compare myself with others. Maintain an appreciative attitude. Choose my friends wisely. And satisfy my spiritual need.

We live an incredibly simple life and have downsized several times over the past few years. The desire to move is not coming from a desire to have more possessions. I apologize if my original post came off that way. Rebecca and I have a similar outlook to life as yours.

The desire to move comes from the fact that I believe my kids deserve better than what I can provide for them here in SoCal. Owning our own home again here is a very very remote possibility.

We just got back Friday night from a reconnaissance trip to Colorado, mainly Colorado Springs. I have lived all over the US, my wife, only ever in The OC. In fact same house from birth til we got married. What an eye opener going to Colorado and visiting friends that are all So Cal transplants.

We have good friends from our Dana Point days that now live in Evergreen and Broomfield. For me, Broomfield is out as it looks like they picked up Irvine and dropped it in the Rockies. Maybe we'll see you up there.

I'll keep you guys posted.

[BorregoWrangler]

The desire to move is not coming from a desire to have more possessions. I apologize if my original post came off that way.

No, no not at all. I was just making a general comment on what most of us have to deal with in life.

I think its great that you guys are thinking about your kid's future here and what you can do to give them more room to grow.